I Hate My Child - Erase That Feeling

I am not gonna write a very long intro here for the reason that you just need to view your reality from a different point of view. We as individuals nearly always mix up our real feelings with our emotions generated nearly instantly by several situations. Only the thoughtful ones, or the parents who have read this article (!), can put their emotions and impulsive reactions aside and always express what they really feel inside of them. I am going to explain to you what "I hate my child" really signifies. Kids are good at pushing our buttons, they make us be impulsive, do or say things we often regret.

Allow me to be more straightforward here. Thinking "I hate my child" is the natural consequence (yes, I mean it) of the bad emotions that keep being accumulated. The emotions and situations I am speaking about most likely are your best enemies at this point: frustration, anger, over-protective feeling, lack of time, irritability, defiant behaviour in your little one, not being listened to, no compassion from your kid or spouse, exhaustion... It's a bad circle for a major reason, often really hard to admit: You misinterpret your kid's behavior and think you're a victim. I'm not being harsh here, it's a fact you have got to face. It is exclusively when you put things in perspective that you can react differently and as a result take the time to reevaluate your real feeling.

3 questions you have to ask yourself:

* Is it my anger (or any other bad emotion) that pushes me to believe I hate my child?
* Do I hate him (his personality) or his behaviors?
* What if I'm influencing his actions?

A bad behaviour in a little one is a way of expressing himself. You have to teach him alternate options, become aware of what hides a tantrum. I'm not blaming you. I remember when I was so upset and exhausted that I used to scream, wanted to spank, was reacting impulsively to make the tantrum stop. That is the worst thing you can do.

Your job is, with other things, to teach things to your child, to prepare him to the adult world. Teach him what is wrong and right, how to communicate what he feels, help him have a good image of himself, and so on. No one ever claimed parenting was simple and easy! There's a part of your little one that you do not see at the present and there's a part of your personality that your little one does not see either. You know so little of your kid, how can you really think and mean "I hate my child"? Think about it.

No one is a bad parent. Communicating with children is a thing we really have to master considering that we are not born moms and dads. You really have to remember that every reaction you have has an immediate consequence on your child's behavior. That is why, today, you think it's part of his personality but it is not. Little ones aren't adults, they aren't "finished". Impulsivity doesn't give any space for sincere feelings. Also, be aware of what hides your kid's reactions. When a child says "I hate you", he doesn't mean it, believe me, he does not comprehend what hate is. Always make a distinction between your kid and his behaviour, which you can change.

The conclusion of this is: "I hate my child" hides another feeling, a true one, this is: "I hate my little one's behaviour". It has nothing to do with your love for your child! Do not feel guilty! If your little one has an intolerable behavior, it's normal to dislike it. The truth is, you cannot ask and expect your kid to change his behavior if you don't change yours first. Have you ever tried to react differently? To stay calm and talk softly? This is key.

I do think the other articles I published might help you, especially the ones about how to communicate in a better way with your child. You need clear advices to apply. If you are ready to make a change happen, you'll succeed. Support may be helpful too, I know what it is to struggle alone (even with your spouse) and have questions unanswered. Some highly effective parenting methods exist that you could use. What I like is that they provide the right tools to understand kids and an easy-to-apply program to make a lasting change in your little one's behaviour and your relationship with him. The full support is priceless.

"I hate my child" won't be part of your vocabulary anymore if you promptly act upon the problem and concentrate on what you have to change in yourself first. You won't feel stressed by your parenting "job" again. Every parent can overcome that feeling and get peace back.

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