Personality Thought - Relationships Evolution in Time

In the following text, the author is going to explore how his personality relates to interpersonal relationships that are engaged, when interacting with senior family members. This exploration will also attempt to shed light on how the dynamics of these relationships has transitioned from childhood through adulthood for the author. Where the personality of the author has altered as the authors perspective of the senior family members went from authoritarian figures to complex interactions of friendship and developing a relationship on equal ground.

As a child, the authors up bringing instilled the idea that anyone older than oneself deserved respect and obedience without question. This ideal set the stage for low self esteem and a heavy reliance for support, guidance; and approval from anyone in a position of authority. The author was more fortunate than other children to begin building a strong bond with maternal Grandparents at a very young age. Through various family disasters, the young author came to think as his Grandparents as both home and parents. This feeling would eventually be confirmed at a later date by a proclamation of a family court, ordering custody of the author and siblings to their maternal Grandparents.

The previous preteen relationship was based on grandparents gift giving, buying school clothes and supplies when the biological mother could not. At such a young age, generous offerings were greatly appreciated and reciprocated in kind by spending time visiting and helping around the house doing various chores or yard work. The labor was never dreaded as visits were always looked to as an escape from a perilous reality of home life; and as an opportunity to allude to how life was not going so well. The relationship the author had with his Grandmother quickly bloomed into a friendship. As the author had no real friends and no outlet to communicate outside of the home environment. Though the author was under eleven years of age at the time, it was a mature relation of give and take.

The author has established two influences that will affect the rest of his life. The first and most obvious; a background from a broken home which manifest through insecurity, low self esteem, and a constant fear of commitment and/or rejection. The second, a blooming relationship with maternal grandparents, who are loving, encouraging, and supportive. In a mental world full of conflict, resentment, rage, and regret; coupled with the need to conform, appease, and an incessant need for approval.

The social impact on children who have been physically abused is perhaps less obvious, yet still substantial. Immediate social consequences can include an inability to form friendships with peers, poor social skills, poor cognitive and language skills, distrust of others, over-compliance with authority figures, and a tendency to solve interpersonal problems with aggression. In their adult life, the long-term consequences can impact both their family and their community. There are financial costs to the community and society in general, e.g., funding social welfare programs and services and the foster care system. Studies have shown that physically abused children are at a greater risk for mental illness, homelessness, crime, and unemployment. All of these affect the community and society in general and are the social costs of physical abuse. (Mann, Ph.D., Corell, M.A., Ludy-Dobson, Ph.D., & Perry, M.D., Ph.D., 2001)

The author can only speculate, as to the impact his Grandparents have had on his life. Had life continued without intervention, could today be a more hellish existence? While the author can relate to a number of qualities previously mentioned in the above reference, there are aspects of his life, which are not nearly as nightmarish.

As the years progressed, the authors bond with the world weakened as his bond with the Grandparents strengthened. Through the rough spots of teenage years, a slow resentment began to build. By maintaining a clean cut, straight laced look, the author found it difficult to express himself. Through music, language, and friends, every choice was made with the feeling of would my Grandparents approve?. This went as far as into the music I listened to, the music I wrote, always conscious of lyrics and imagery. To sum up a long list, the author felt constrained and restricted. This inability to find a healthy outlet, lead the author down the wrong path of substance abuses that would last for more than a decade to come. The irony, most people would never know in large part because the idea that appearance is everything had been drilled in so well by an entire family. The following characteristics; wardrobe, hygiene, well spoken, and selective behavior that would be appropriate for any situation, will put blinders on a lot of people who never get to know you better than the surface.

The author will admit that while genetics plays a tremendous role, specifically when it comes to substance abuse. That behavior of abuse could have been tempered or even stomped out of existence by a more positive social situation from birth to adulthood. The Grandparents had known and acknowledged that there was little they could do, to repair the damages already inflicted. But perhaps their role in life was to minimize the impact on the siblings futures.

In reflection, while there are a number of other personality theories at work in our lives, it is the opinion of the author that behavioral and social impacts have clearly shaped his life. A constant struggle against conflicting responses; which clearly explains why he continues to keep the world at an arms distance. There is a cold comfort to the blinders that he continues to use as a tool when in social situations, personal, business, or even friendships.

Children that are rejected by their parents will have a host of problems including difficulty developing emotional intimacy. (Perry, M.D Ph. D., Runyan, Ph. D., & Sturges, 1998)

Unfortunately, this difficulty of being able to develop a deeper emotional bond affects the relationship the author has with his Grandparents. He owes the world to them and continues to reciprocate in his own ways, but it will always be a relationship at just an arms length. Foremost on his mind will always be self preservation through the avoidance of emotional bonds.

Perhaps there is hope for the author. There has always been a stronger relationship with his Grandmother despite the fact that his Grandfather and he share so much more in personality characteristics. The same unease in public, difficult to get to know as in not voluntary in sharing much about oneself, and the list goes on. The author can relate to his Grandfather, and communicate with his Grandmother. So maybe it is possible to find romance eventually, as they have, and to be truly in love without any more fear. But first, nothing will come without continuous work to repair the damages done by others behaviors.

By: Michael J. Spindler

References - Do Not Strip Article References!

Mann, D., Ph.D., Corell, A. P., M.A., Ludy-Dobson, C., Ph.D., & Perry, B. D.M.D., Ph.D. (2001). Physical Abuse of Children. Retrieved Decemeber 12, 2007, from http://www.childtrauma.org/CTAMATERIALS/physical_abuse.asp

Perry, B. D., M.D Ph. D., Runyan, D., Ph. D., & Sturges, C. (1998, January). Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated ChildrenHow Abuse and Neglect in Childhood Impact Social and Emotional Development. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.childtrauma.org/ctamaterials/bonding.asp