A Report From The Hottest Place On Earth

It's been a full ten days since the initial Snowmaggedon hit the Virginia suburbs, and the main street that runs through my little part of the world has still not been plowed. Or salted. Or sanded. In order to negotiate the street you have to put your tires in the grooves worn in to the ice by fellow travelers…and hope that you don’t bottom out, which so far hasn’t happened to me. But others have not been so lucky, and must depend on others to get their vehicle rolling again.

The problem…say the politicians…is that nobody put any money in the budget for snow, or snow removal…because they were all caught up in Fat Al Gore’s theory of global warming, which was being defended by some idiots on Sunday morning talk shows. Ceci Connolly of the Washington Post contended that 2009 was the hottest year ever. Funny then that out of East Anglia…the epicenter of the global warming world…that Phil Jones…heretofore cited by Fat Al on almost a daily basis …now says that there has been no significant warming since 1995…and that the Middle Ages…you remember them, right? The Middle Ages might have been hotter.

And back then we had no Charmin, no deoderant, and as I recall, no running water…or sewage or waste disposal systems. We did have Fat Al’s great great great great great great great great great…grand daddy… one Bubonic P. Gore, who believed that bathing on a regular basis was not a good idea either. I believe it was the American Indians who convinced the Gores that personal hygiene was in fact, a good idea. (I think it was so they could tell the difference between boars and gores…which smelled the same, but tasted remarkedly different, and it saved on arrows.)

So far in 2010 we have shattered the all time snowfall record in the area, which was 56 inches, and currently stands at 61, and winter doesn’t seem to be finished yet. The District of Columbia still hasn’t been plowed either. For those of you who believe the government can manage health care, this should be a lesson. The government that can’t get itz streets plowed in two weeks can’t run a lemonade stand. Hope and change do not the streets plow.

Maybe Obama could take some of that bailout money, and hire some people to shovel snow. You know that $900 billion dollars he just had to have back in 09, of which he hasn’t spent $600 billion, just yet. He could buy some shovels from Lowe’s or Home Depot, and put a whole bunch of people to work.

Now is the time to get your tool kit stocked. When the warm weather hits this year the mooks will be out like thickets of mosquitos after being cooped up all winter.

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